Confess

For those Schadenfreude moments

Farewell Charlie!

I have a story to tell. About a man who departed this earth last week leaving in his wake a mighty legacy. A man who remained my greatest mentor long after my introduction when a young, newly wed Aussie settling into her husband’s small New Zealand home town. Learning of his passing I shared my sadness on FaceBook and within minutes two people messaged back in disbelief – ‘he was so fit and healthy?’; sadness – ‘family, local and international friends will be shocked’, and nostalgia – remember when we were ‘Charlie’s Angels?’  Reminiscent of that time, a few words aptly summed up the man:

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(Exhausted) pleasant person speaking

Don’t know about you, but when I’m feeling tired and over scheduled I can become overly sensitive and a tad emotional. Finding myself there this week, I lashed out unnecessarily at one of my colleagues. I have since apologised. Took me six days to do so. Two spent personally justifying my behaviour, two determining a solution to the situation that caused my reaction in the first place and two more recognising the impact my actions might have had on the greater team.

Thing is, I’d let myself down. I had failed to live by my personal charter of being a positive influence, a level headed, calm, collected role model for the team. Yep. Time to apologise. And I thank Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 – 1962) for that. Why? Flipping through an old Frankie magazine I came across several quotes for which she is famed:

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Merde! About those body image blues…

Dinner en Blanc‘ – a picnic in a secret location, 1,999 fellow revelers, must wear white. White? Yes white! Blanc! Now don’t get me wrong, I love wearing white for it suits my complexion. Unfortunately it also amplifies my dodgy bits – read hail damaged bum, thighs, nana wings, back boobs. Girls y’all hearing me?

A sweet little Broderie Anglaise number later, fake tan, nude heels, glossy lips, all frocked up and feeling fabulous I threw myself into the fun and frivolity. And what an amazing eve, what an experience…and then I viewed the post party happy snaps…Merde!

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Yes, Kardashian bums, plus size models, untouched voluptuous, cellulite clad bodies and laughter lines are now ‘de rigueur’ and while I join my sisters in celebrating the liberation of our imperfections, I’m yet to liberate mine. Should have sat up straighter, shed those winter kilos, bought a dress size up, worn a jacket…I sighed as images continued to flood my Facebook feed. But why the harsh self critique?

I’m a singlette. I’m surrounded by loved up friends. And I long to join that happy coupledom brigade. While saying ‘thanks but no thanks’ to a sweet but elderly interested ‘match’ on a dating site earlier that morning, I’d stopped to admire another. This one my age (59). Interesting, attractive, available. Pulse quickening, I read on. ‘Must be age 40 to 45, slim, athletic, between 165 and 170cm’. While his perfect partner precision was both unsettling and amusing, my self-esteem was unsettled and contemplating wine o’clock.

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